Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My invention

My, wasn't the tennis exciting last night. So much so some people in the crowd lost the ability to shut up during key moments to let the players concentrate! I have a solution though.

Underneath each seat should be a pressure sensitive ejector triggered by excessive noise. These would catapult cheering occupant out of centre court, and send them hurtling towards the outside courts. If you made people sign a disclaimer before they entered the court then you'd avoid potential lawsuits.

Of course, after the point is won or lost, cheering is allowed, you're thinking. Never fear. Simply employ a man or women (on equal pay) to deactivate the ejectors at the moment a point ended. Of course, if they missed that moment by a fraction of second hundreds of spectators would be unfairly flung high into the sky. Teething problems.

Of course, and I know you'd thought of this already, the new roof on centre court would cause probably too wouldn't it? Because those cheering members of the crowd would be sent flying skywards, only to smack their heads and get stuck, resulting in distracting cries of muffled agony echoing around the court, or their bodies would fall to the court - involving a lengthy removal processes of body parts, disrupting players rhythm and possibly leaving slippery blood patches on the grass.

Hmm, perhaps actually it can't be done. The annoying shouters will have to remain.


IanVisits said...

How about reversing it so that miscreants are electrocuted then their chair sinks down into the ground to be replaced with an empty one.

Solves the problem and the ticket can be resold.

...inspired by the Spectre meeting in the Bond movie, Thunderball.

Dan W said...

Yes, that is far more logistically sound. And the reselling idea, perfect - more income.