Headline - does it draw you in?

A friend sent me a link to all The Onion's mock front covers
of its weekend supplement. It's fantastic stuff.

Ouch

I don't know why it's so much more fun to read utterly scathing reviews than glowing ones, but it is.

Out of touch

Something I’ve been meaning to recount for a while: About two weeks ago while my house mate watched Shipwrecked (a show where yoofs are sent to, essentially, bitch about each other, seemingly unaware they are on beautiful tropical islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean), I heard an amazingly moronic comment from one of the, er, morons on the show that made me cringe.

After spending a week getting to know the two ‘tribes’ known, somewhat oddly, as the ‘Sharks’ and the ‘Tigers’(?), on their separate islands the contestant, was doing a private piece to camera, said (paraphrased):

“this is such a hard decision, I mean the sharks were great, the tigers were great…such a tough decision…this really is D-Day…” And on he went. I think he went for Tigers.

But does he even know where the term D-Day comes from? Does he really think having to choose between two tropical islands populated by vacuous idiots equates to the storming of beaches in Northern France while coming under attack from rapid fire machine guns armed by Nazis?

No poetry please

The world's worst poet's works are going under the hammer, not to be destoryed, (a ha!), but to be aunctioned off. Re-reading McGonagall's truly epic piece "The Tay Bridge Disaster" it's not hard to see why he was regarded as the worst. The whole thing is a mess of forced rhymes and uneven meters, but the final few lines really are a piece of terrible genius:

Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

The lines about buttresses and building houses strong are so unpoetic and more like an acedemic paper on construction techniques.

The language of rock

One of the great joys of Wikipedia is that because it is so massively generic and covers, essentially, everything you can find some rather interesting, straight faced, encyclopedic entries for subjects that become quite amusing. The following extract is taken from "Concert Etiquette" and concerns Rock Concerts:

"Concerts of rock music typically maintain more liberal norms. At concerts of hard rock, punk or metal, a mosh pit will often form in front of the stage, in which slam-dancing and the like may be performed, usually in an atmosphere of lively camaraderie and mutual assistance. Dancers who have fallen are helped up, and found items of clothing are held aloft to be reclaimed. In general, singing along may not be disapproved, especially during songs of an anthemic nature. Fans may shout or scream or whistle during songs, but not continuously. Male moshers are frequently shirtless, but total nudity is frowned upon."

'Slam dancing and the like', 'an atmosphere of lively camaraderie', 'total nudity is frowned upon' - what great phrases to use to give a rock concert crowd a sensible description.

Comments and debate

My first Guardian blog was published on Tuesday and it drew quite a response. Probably more comments then this blog has had several times over, despite having been running for almost two years. My second blog went LIVE! today and those who know me in real life will know it is a subject close to my heart.

It’s nice to be writing pieces that people read and react too, even if they don’t agree with you, because it’s pleasing to see subjects you regard as interesting creating debate.

Oh Congratulations

Cliff Richard has made it on to my blogging radar, again, with two ludicrous stories this week - I never thought I'd get to mention him once. Firstly he’s been told he woz robbed of winning Eurovision in 1968 by former Spanish dictator Franco who conspired to ensure Cliff’s song Congratulations didn’t win Eurovision, in favour of his own country’s equally banal song, La La La. Well credit to Franco - if you have the power you might as well – anything to stop Cliff, the Ultimate Pop Star, from adding another pointless string to his annoyingly smug bow.

"If, like they say, they believe there is evidence that it was I that was the winner, there won't be a happier person on the planet," he told newspaper the Guardian. "It's never good to lose, never good to feel a loser."

But Cliff you’re the Ultimate Pop Star – how can you feel like a loser? And really, you’d be the happiest person on the planet? For being informed you won Eurovision 40 years on from the event? Get over it!

And secondly he’s revealed he released an R&B track in 1998 under the very imaginative pseudonym CR to prove the music industry is deliberately undermining his music. I don’t think he needed to prove this but then again, what is there to undermine?

Web 2.0

Look at the BBC getting all fancy with Google maps showing voter's thoughts from around the world.

On another note - what's the point in the second digits on this post's time stamp if they always just put them at 00?

Arm a getting out of here

This story about should we or should we not be building survival shelters is an interesting and fun read, even if it is discussing the need to prepare for the potential of mass disasters and pandemics.

I'm just suggesting," says Mr Biggs, "that if you can afford it you should invest in a bolthole. A farm, perhaps, where you could live for a month and survive. I am talking Swiss Family Robinson," he says, referring to the famous 1812 novel about a Swiss family that survives after being shipwrecked in the East Indies. "You should have food, water, medicine, clothes. And possibly AK47s to fire over the heads of any guys, depending on how bad things become"

I don't remember the Swiss Family Robinson having AK47s.

Headline

Good old Attenborough, can always trust him to say the right things.